Went for my favourite sport's trainning on friday nite. Its been almost 3 yrs since i picked up tis sport. I can still recall the intense trainning n atmosphere at
HillTop, where u actually feel the adrenaline rush when being trained by Master Johnny. Though friday's trainning is much more relaxed compared to hilltop's wan, but the one yr gap realli proved too great for me. Trained with Ah Heng, Kenny (Terry's bro) n a few others tat day, n watched Heng's friendly spar with the other guy. Wat i can say is, tat guy is really too easy for Heng le ba. He was capitalised totally. Well, i had mine with Kenny. But i really lost my basic moves n touches. I guess i wasn't up to his match yet ba.
After trainning, i tot i could have a good rest b4 i go for my work the next morning, but b4 i realise, i had my Round 2 already! Woken up by mum at 0745. The reason? All because of the steering wheel n seat belt cover tat i didnt take back!?!? But wat really upsets me is the attitude u ppl treat me. Nw, in mum's eyes, im labelled "
not repented", "
ungrateful", "
not understanding" all these shit. Do u know hw heartbreaking it is when u r actually woken up frm slp by these words? Its definitely hurts more than being kicked n punched.
im
Lazy bcos i left out tat 2 accessories? im
Not Understanding bcos i didnt apologize? im
Not Repented becos i dun seem to know i have made a heavenly mistake? But hw u ppl noe i've nvr tried when i've already done all i can?
Then hw abt the time when i cant get into poly? I wanted to look my 'mp' to write a letter of recommendation but u ppl tell me not to throw the family's face by using such methods. Then hw abt the time i wanted to sign on for Navy to sponsor the diploma? U ppl said tat i will surely fail my studies and have to suffer the consequences bcos of me. At those times, did u ppl give me support when i needed them?
The car's gone, but u have gotten a new wan. But i lost these opportunities n they wont come back.
Yes, im tinking very negatively. This is the way im brought up.
i love you,,
10:09 PM
woken up by my mum at 0800, led me to alot of thoughts on quitting school.
the accident 2 weeks ago is going to be a good lesson for me. It didnt teach me how to speed nor going fast into corners BUT i saw hw people change. or should i say the real side of human being. right after the accident, u ppl didnt even care abt my well being. Instead, the first qns YOU asked me was "how's the car?", "how am i going to work, go gym, go tis go tat?". Yes, i know. SBS, Comfort, these are the options for the time being. But when i had to settle the things with the garage or the insurance, did u give me time? did u give me options? NO. all YOU did was keep pushing me to get the temporary car for u. Hello~ all tis things need black n white == hell lot of time. Do YOU noe i got alot of test tat week? Do YOU noe i cab dwn frm tampines to clementi everyday? my lesson end at 4, the garage closes at 5,
do have i a choice?1 week later, when the insurance called n said tat they dun wan to repair the car, all u did was to rant at me n tell me to settle the bills. Do u really tink tat all these ranting, these questions can help me solve the problem? u keep asking me: 'hw am i going take find all the money to settle the car?'. I really dun mind withdrawing all my money, its all i can do. But wat abt YOU? This is ur car. And u didnt even put in effort to tink of a solution?!?! WTF. Once again, ur sms keeps coming in. The stress tat u r giving me is really unbearable.
Wat do u wan me to do? I wanted to Apologize but the attidude u gave me is holding me back.Retribution? Maybe. To tink tat we didnt even send tat old man to hospital on tat very day, it really seems tat its been shown on us. We seem unfilial. But does he deserve use tat word to describe us? i can still recall all the things he didnt do for us. He didnt bring us up. Neither did he bring us out to have fun nor taking care of us. I can still recall hw cruel he can be when he refuse to bring me the doctor when i broke my ankle in Primary 2. The best part is, his reason was so
short n sweet, simply "cannot! I meet my fren go fishing liao!". Fuck u bodoh! If u tink tat fren is so impt, den why did u start a family in the 1st place!
Under these circumstances, quitting school n work full time seems bright for me. And i can support myself too. (So YOU can ENJOY the car at ease without having to worry abt feeding the handicapped, useless old man.) Since YOU tink tat YOU need the car to go gym or go out with ur frens is soooo important, den i guess i will quit school before the main exams ba. And i can support myself too. At least i dun have to go thru another stressfull period. Anyway, my
GPA is onli 3.61, comparing to most of my classmates, im onli a average student. Or worse to say, maybe TP dun even wan me inside there.
After the term test, i really dunno why this feeling inside me is getting stronger n stronger. Maybe is the things YOU told mum ba. Sorry folks, i wun be mentioning wat is it but it is also the reason my mum woke me up n started tis entry.
St 11 brothers, TP frens, ITE frens n teachers, or simply just anyone, i really need opinions n views frm u guys n gals.
Before i end, i still remember tat morning u msg me tat i hurt u so much becos broke the "Love of ur life". Let me tell u, the Fucking attitude tat this whole family is giving me, really broke my heart thoroughly.
我的心真的受伤了
i love you,,
9:26 AM
